First Impressions
by Sukuru
Summary: I've moved this from Star Trek: TOS, because, basically, it's not about any one of their characters. It's about an Ensign new to the Enterprise....and bound to screw things up. PG for a lil' bit of language.
1. How to impress the Captain badly

Prologue: How to get into trouble, by me, Pallee.  
  
I opened my eyes and blinked. Of course, opening your eyes and blinking at 6:30am, after only four hours worth of sleep, was perfectly normal and perfectly acceptable. Opening your eyes at 2:20pm and blinking, after crying yourself inevitably to sleep four hours previously after asking the Captain if you could work alone in your quarters because you found it too intimidating to work on the bridge was neither normal nor acceptable. Never mind about perfectly.  
  
I looked down at the padd I'd been working on. It, and the bed sheets around it, was caked in dried mascara.  
  
'I'm dead.' I realised. Surely, if, in ten minutes when the Captain was coming to collect my 40 reports, he didn't throttle and kill me when he learned I had, in actual fact, only done 10 before falling asleep, I would surely die of embarrassment. For that is the sort of girl I am and I'm not proud of it.  
  
I got to my feet and looked in the mirror. There, a five foot five, brown haired, brown eyed girl with black cheeks stared back at me, 'and, on top of that, when I arrive at Satan's gates I'm gonna look like hell!'  
  
Without even realising I'd just made a kind-of funny pun up in my head, I dashed around the room, trying to clean myself and it up in the nine minutes forty five seconds I had left. Which wasn't very long, seeing as though I lived in a pigsty that I, and no-one else, was proud of.  
  
Even in that nine minutes forty five seconds and counting, I only managed to clean myself and the bed up. Which was pathetic: I'd only done too little because my hands were shaking too much.  
  
"Well, Ensign?" The Captain asked, "where are those 40 reports?" He seemed cheerful enough. I stared at his boots, wondering how much shoe polish he went through a month, and, consequently, only managed an "um." in reply.  
  
"Um? That sounds very unproductive, Ensign Chenna." Not only had Captain Kirk come to collect my reports, whilst he was at it he managed to bring along Spock and McCoy as well. Spock, I had the strange feeling, was looking at me sceptically. Maybe someone should tell him that's an emotion.  
  
"Well.you see."I tired again, and failed again.  
  
"No, Ensign, I don't see." Kirk was beginning to sound a little etchy, "what are you trying to say? Look up when you're being spoken to."  
  
I thought the last order sounded a bit.lame, but I didn't dare say so. I looked up - and froze. I had been wrong. Not only had he brought Spock and McCoy, but he'd also brought along Chekov, who was standing in my door way, looking around thoughtfully. Especially at the clothes spread around on the floor. And, to my absolute horror, I saw I'd left my knickers out too. I looked at Chekov's face. He didn't seemed to phased, thank God.  
  
"Ensign?" Kirk snapped, no longer very happy, as far as I could tell my head snapped back round.  
  
"I.I only managed to get ten done, sir." I trailed off, blushing as I felt everyone's eyes on my face. And that included Chekov's.  
  
"Only ten? I gave you four hours. The reports take about three minutes each. I understand from your record you were the fastest typer in your class at school, and indeed at the academy. Let's see," he started pacing around my room whilst I stood there, trying not to look at anyone or anything, feeling myself drowning in shame, "four times sixty is.240. 240 minutes. Three minutes a report. Forty reports. Forty times three is.?"  
  
"120, Sir."  
  
"Yes, so, it should have taken you 120 minutes to complete the reports, and I gave you 240. Am I sensing you are working too hard? Well? Am I over- working you, Ensign?" He was being sarky. I hated it when people went all sarky.  
  
"No, sir." I felt the first twinges of horror start to overtake me. Please, not again.  
  
"Well. This seems to be a little unfair on me then, doesn't it? Because this isn't the first time this has happened, is it?"  
  
'Please. Please. Not whilst Chekov's here. Please no!' I felt myself flush further.  
  
"Remember that time on Ryhnia? When I was frantically calling the transporter room where you worked, trying to attract your attention, to find you were asleep? You were risking three lives there, girl. Do you think that was acceptable?"  
  
I didn't know what he was trying to get at. Three lives, yes, that was dangerous. Forty safety reports regarding hand rails etc? Not so.  
  
"No sir, I don't."  
  
"Let me guess. You fell asleep this time, too." Kirk sneered. Oh, how I wished I was pretty. Kirk never sneered at the pretty girls.  
  
"Yes." My voice was barely audible.  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
"Yes.sir." I looked as far up as I could, which was about face-level with him.  
  
He sighed, folded his arms and tapped his foot irritably.  
  
"So. What are we going to do with you, then, Ensign?" He asked, mocking kindness and affection. I knew he knew I knew he was faking it.  
  
"I don't know.sir." I heard a snigger. 'Please don't let that be Chekov.' I glanced at him. He looked back, dead-pan. It wasn't him. Or, at least, I hoped not. Kirk stepped on my foot. I squeaked. Chekov smiled.  
  
"Alright. Then I'll tell you. Three days cleaning out the air ducts," he saw the look on my face, "don't you think that's fair, Ensign?"  
  
"I'm.I.I'm claustrophobic, sir." I didn't think this a complaint, but he took it entirely the wrong way.  
  
"And also workophobic, by the looks of things," he turned to go, "I don't care if you're claustrophobic or not. You can start in Engineering. Report to Scotty tomorrow at 6am. And no pity-stabbing."  
  
"No, Sir." He left, with McCoy and Spock. Chekov hung back for about ten seconds, watching me, then, shaking his head, he went, too.  
  
'Great. Not only do I have to do a job for three days that'll probably give me a mental breakdown, Chekov thinks I'm a right loony.' 


	2. Engineering Mishaps

Chapter One: My life, and other crappy existences.  
  
Yeah. I guess I could say my life pretty much sweeps the stakes at the Crappy Life awards. Or, would do, had there been such thing as a Crappy Life award. And, besides, I wouldn't have been popular enough to enter, anyway. So it kind of demeans the whole point of the Imaginary contest so.whatever.  
  
As I wondered down the corridor, not knowing that in three minutes and forty five seconds I was about to make an utter cad of myself, I thought about life on the ship in general. Y'know. Such things as:  
  
1. Sitting by myself in the Mess.  
  
2. Sitting by myself on the bridge. Which, you may think, well.yeah, so does everyone else. We all have assigned spaces, don't we? But, y'see, when things get boring on the bridge, people have a talk and a laugh. I just sit there listening, not allowed to laugh because of my un-popularity.  
  
3. Going to bed every night just knowing that, after the six hours of non- committal bliss I have each night, I'm going to have to get up again and face life, my existence and everything.  
  
And, of course,  
  
4. Knowing that I'm not pretty, not rich, not popular, and not liked. Period.  
  
Life sucks.  
  
I remember I kid like me back at school used to have a rhyme he'd sing whenever people were picking on him. It went something like:  
  
Life sucks, life is gay: Heart disease and tooth decay. Life's a cow and then you die, So screw the world and lets get high!  
  
Danny, the boy, was, of course, on drugs. There was no other explanation for it. I, on the other hand, have never touched drugs, alcohol or boys. Especially boys.  
  
Wandering along the corridor, thinking these things to myself, I was, of course, looking at my feet. Ask anyone who isn't very popular or is very lonely. Looking at you feet is great when you're walking along, because no- one can see your face and it's expression.  
  
And, for all intensive purposes, you can't see anyone either. Which is probably why I walked straight into Chekov, making him drop the heavy supply case he'd been carrying onto my foot. Not that I didn't deserve it.  
  
After about a lifetimes silence, in which you could hear a pin drop, or at least, you could if people still used pins, I burst out with:  
  
"Crud!" And dropped down on my haunches to see if I could pick up the case. Which was heavy. As my foot was telling me.  
  
"Oh! I'm sowy." Chekov also dropped to his haunches, "I didn't see you coming, Pal."  
  
"It's okay, it was my fault, I wasn't watching where I was going which, of course, was to Engineering for my punishment shift, of course." I must have babbled on like this for about five minutes, because by the time I shut up, Chekov was staring at me like I was crazy. Which I probably was. Oh well.  
  
"Er.wight. Anyway, I'd better get going." He muttered, obviously desperate to get away from me. Just like anyone else would be. It did kinda hurt that the person whom I'd always considered the nicest person on the ship (probably biased) was desperate to get away from me. Mind you, as I said before, so would anyone else. Even my parents. They'd gotten away from me a long time ago.  
  
"Sorry." I mumbled, and shuffled off, head hung so low I could probably see through the narrow slit between my two legs when I was walking.  
  
"Pallee?" He called. I turned around.  
  
"Is your toe okay?" "Eh.it's fine. Really. Fine." I turned around and.fled, which is the only way I can put it. If I didn't get away from him soon, I was going to start blubbing. And, although I'm a loner, I'm not a blubberer. Never would I be a blubberer.  
  
***  
  
Even though I wasn't a blubberer, Scotty must have noticed my face when I entered Engineering three minutes later.  
  
"Yer late, hen." Were actually his exact words, but I thought he sounded concerned, "where've ya been? Sleepin' is it?" Ah. Evidently the Captain told him. I flushed.  
  
"Um.er.no.y'see.well, I was hurrying to get here and I ran into Chekov.literally.and he was carrying something heavy..and it kinda fell on my toe so I helped him pick it up again and I tried to get here as quickly as possible you haven't told the Captain have you? He'll kill me!" It took Scotty a few minutes to catch up with what I was saying, and at the end of it he was staring at me as if I was crazy. Great. It was only 6:03am and already I'd got two crazy stares. Go me.  
  
"It was only a joke, lass. Don' take everythin' ye hear so seriously. If ya do, you'll 'ave an heart attack before you're 30." All the time he'd been speaking, he'd moved over to an inspection hatch and clicked it off the wall. 'And, eh, how was I supposed to get in there?' I thought, blinking at the small hole.  
  
"Now. Chekov told me you're not very fond of wee spaces, zat right, lass?"  
  
"Um.yes." Why would Chekov tell him that?  
  
"Right. Here's what ya do. You'll only be cleaning twenty or so metres today. Tomorrow I'll get ye started on the big stuff. If ye feel like you want to come oot, ye do. I'll leave the hatch off." I thought this was actually quite nice of him, seeing as though this was supposed to be a punishment, so I accepted the.cleaning thingy (hey, I don't know what it's called) from him and climbed in.  
  
It was hot. I mean, really hot. Really. Hot. Hotter than hot.  
  
'Well, duh,' I told myself, 'you are right next to a load of Warp Manifolds.'  
  
Around 10am I'd done 3 metres thoroughly. This sucked. I was never going to get this done today. Which meant more overtime for tomorrow. Go me.  
  
"How ye doin'?" I heard Scotty call up the tunnel.  
  
"Um. Fine."  
  
"Yur not very far up, lass."  
  
"I've only done.three metres." I admitted miserably, brushing back my sticky hair from my even stickier forehead.  
  
"Well, if ye want to come out and have a sip of Iced Tea with us now, you'd be sensible. Lunch's been put back 'till two, and this'll be the only break ye get 'till then."  
  
I climbed down the tunnel and reversed out of the hatch. To me, Engineering seemed like the North Pole after being stuck in there.  
  
Scotty handed me an Iced Tea, which I acknowledged with a grateful nod. I was too hot to talk.  
  
Then joy of all joys.  
  
Captain Kirk walked through the door.  
  
Going red, redder than the Red Shirts standing around me without a care in the world (lucky sods), I turned around, so my back was resting against the side of the frame, and sipped my drink, trying to make it look like I hadn't been socialising. Because I hadn't. I'd just said Thank You to Scotty in a non-committal way. Which the Captain might take as socialising. Because that's how thick his skull is. If he thought he'd seen me socialising, he might kill me. Or do worse.  
  
"Hello Ensign. Enjoying yourself?" He asked, in my opinion spitefully.  
  
"Entirely too much." I practically sang. No way was he crushing my loner spirit. No sir.  
  
True, he had crushed my spirit on other occasions. But I never let on to him. Go me. He did seem disappointed that I wasn't upset.  
  
"Whatever. Scotty." and away he went to have a word with the Chief Engineer. Phew.  
  
And then not-so-phew. Why is it that, whenever Kirk enters a room I'm in, Chekov also manages to enter the room that both Kirk and I are in? And, even Engineering was such I big place, the hatch I was currently lolling in was directly infront of the door, give or take five metres.  
  
"Hi, Pallee. How's the foot?" He indicated his own, smiling at me. I almost died.  
  
I made a stupid sounding noise in my throat, then said, "fine. Doesn't hurt too much. I can walk on it."  
  
Babble. All babble. Why do I babble so much? Babble, babble, babble. Go me.  
  
"Good. I'd thought it'd bwoken."  
  
"You had? What about me?"  
  
He looked a little uncertain, shrugged, and went to talk to Scotty about some miscalculation or other the Computer had made.  
  
Why was Scotty so damn popular one of the three days I happened to be in Engineering? The reason I say this is because, no sooner had Chekov left the vicinity, Spock entered. I mean, this was taking the.smeg.  
  
"Good Morning Ensign. How are your duties going?" Close enough to a friendly greeting. "Very well, Sir. It's very.nice to be giving my muscles some exercise." Uh, yeah, like I had any to exercise. Pfft.  
  
"Very well." And he too went over to talk to Scotty.  
  
And then, just to top it all off, along came McCoy. This was getting really upsetting.  
  
"Hello Pallee. Hows it going in that hell hole of a duct?" Well, at least he was cheerful.  
  
"Fine." I was down to a one word answer. I don't think McCoy had quite forgiven me about that time I had accidentally stabbed him with a hypospray when he asked for my help in Sick Bay. Like I said, he asked for my help. It says quite clearly under Captains Comments in my Record that I'm a klutz. No, I'm not kidding.  
  
"Ok. Ah, there's Jim." and away he went.  
  
I wondered why Jim was a shortened version of James. I mean, Jim's even got a different vowel, for god's sake. Yup. To occupy myself at Break Times, I wonder useless things. Go Brain.  
  
"Okay, people, back to work. I'll tell ye all when it's two."  
  
So, back into the tube it was. Go me.  
  
I clambered back in. It seemed tighter than before, and I panicked. Was it always this tight? Was it? I was about to back out, but then I remembered Kirk and his never forgetting memory, so I stayed in, feeling kinda proud of myself. And worried sick at the same time.  
  
My breathing was that of a woman in Labour. And, as far as I am aware of, that is not a good thing. Seeing as though I'm not in Labour.  
  
"Pallee?" A Russian accented voice. Who could that be?  
  
"What Chekov?" I snapped pretty harshly, crawling further up the tube to where I'd left my Cleany Thingy.  
  
"Er.sowy. Didn't mean to bother you." Oh, GOD, why did I yell at him? Why? Why do I yell at him, only to speak nice and calmly to Kirk. This sucked.  
  
"No, no, it's okay, Chekov. Sorry. I'm in a cowy mood. Whassup?"  
  
"Vell.I vas vondering if you vere okay.your breathing is wery.high?"  
  
I tried to breathe slower. Impossible. Really impossible. It just made me panic more. "Um.I'm fine."  
  
"D'you vant to come out?" How'd he read my mind from down there??  
  
"No."  
  
"Pallee?" This was a different voice. This was a show-offy voice. This was a JTK voice. Work out for yourself what that means.  
  
"Yes Captain?"  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to come out? You sound.etchy."  
  
Oh, that's right. Infront of everyone else you're a nice quiet person who would die to help you out. That's a great idea. You can help me out. Go die. Then I felt guilty about my thoughts. Well. Get injured. Or take a cheery up pill then.  
  
"I'm fine." I tried to put on a falsely bright voice, grabbing the Cleany Thingy's handle and squeezing very tightly. I was scared. I was claustrophobically scared out of my tiny little mind.  
  
There was a short silence from outside, then the sound of the Engineering doors opening and closing.  
  
"Pallee?" It was Chekov again, "Pallee, he's gone. You can come out now."  
  
How on Earth did he read my mind?  
  
".What makes you think I want to come out?" I squeaked in a high voice. Oh, GOD. I was terrified. Oh, no, I'm never going to get out of here! Help! I thought, squeezing the handle even tighter and trying desperately to breathe normally. Why was it so different now? That morning I'd been fine. Then, it hit me. It was because Chekov was there, standing outside that hatch, asking if I was okay. And, I didn't want to make a fool of myself, so I was saying I was okay, then panicking because I knew I wasn't because he was making it seem like I was when I wasn't and.I'd managed to confuse myself.  
  
"The fact that you look ready to cry, I guess." I looked down. He had his head supported on his arms, leaning on the bottom of the hatch, staring at me as if I was nuts. Maybe I was.  
  
"Um.um.um." Was all I managed to get out, "I'm.I'm perfectly okay. Why wouldn't I be?" "Because you're Claustrophobic.?" He reached up and tapped my foot, "kom on. Out of there wight now before you have a heart attack and Mr. Scotty gets blamed."  
  
"Yessir." He was ordering me around and he wasn't even my superior. Well, he kind of was. I mean, he was way more popular then me, and he had more mates (okay, I had zilch, but hey), and he wasn't on the Captains bad side at the moment. Guess who was.  
  
So, in a way, he was superior. Go me. I mean him.  
  
I clambered out, sat down on the side and buried my head in my hands. Oh, yeah. I was being so brave. Not.  
  
"Pallee? Aw, d'you want summat else to drink, lass?" Ok, that was Scotty. I think. I didn't know because I couldn't see anyone. Duh.  
  
"N-no."  
  
"You sure? You look..awful." That was Chekov. I'm pretty sure that was Chekov, anyway.  
  
"Yeah, just like I do 24/7."  
  
"I don't think so." He sat down beside me, "vhy are you always putting yourself down like that?"  
  
"Er.like what?"  
  
"Like that. Saying you look awful.24/7. Stuff like that. Vhy do you do it?"  
  
I blinked at him. I hadn't been aware of doing that.  
  
"Um.I was just telling the truth."  
  
He snorted, "yeah, and I'm the Captain."  
  
"Really?" I pretended to play along, "then, can I have the rest of the day off, Sir?"  
  
"No need to be as sarky as the ca.some people are." Chekov had changed what he was going to say as soon as he realised Scotty was still standing there beside us.  
  
"Um.a little privacy?" I asked. At least my breathing had calmed itself down. A bit.  
  
"It's alright. I don' mind ye mouthing off aboot him. Something's not been right with him lately, have ye noticed?"  
  
"Yes." Chekov nodded, "he's been a little.'on edge' recently. Since we left Space Dock, really." "I wouldn't know," I joined in, "I've only been here since we left Space Dock."  
  
"Ah." Chekov nodded, "usually he's okay. But.he's just been acting stwange wecently. Twust me. If he'd been punishing you vhen in a good mood, you vouldn't be cleaning the pipes."  
  
"The tubes." Scotty corrected him.  
  
"My mistake." Chekov stood up and stretched, "vell. I have to get back to the Bridge. You feeling better?" He asked me.  
  
"Er.yeah. Much better, thank you." I got up too and climbed back into the tube. Pipe. Whatever. 


	3. The Arguement that went no where

Chapter Two: Life as unusual  
  
I finished working in the pipes around Ten. Pm. Pfft.  
  
Although I had the surprise of finding that Scotty had stayed behind after his shift (which ended at seven) to make sure I was okay. Er, why?  
  
"You really shouldn't have."  
  
"The last thing the Captain needs right now is one of his valued crewmen. crewwomen. yeah, that last thing he needs is one of them dyin' from a wee heart attack on duty."  
  
"Hah." I muttered. He looked at me.  
  
"Somethin' funny, lass?"  
  
"'Valued', me. Yeah, right," I rolled my eyes, "keep dreaming."  
  
Scotty wiped his hands on the hand towel at the door.  
  
"Every Crewman's - and Crewwomen's - assistance is valued to him. Even if that assistance does involve not doing a wee amount of Reports on hand rails."  
  
".To which I, the afore mentioned not-so-valuable-Crewwoman managed to muck up anyway."  
  
"We all make mistakes."  
  
"Name the last time you made a mistake." Ok, I know I was kind of speaking to a superior officer, but please. I'd never heard of Scotty or Chekov or Spock or Sulu or McCoy or Kirk making a mistake. Not even Nurse Chapel.  
  
"Ooch. That'd be about three moths ago in Space Dock. I was fixing the engines when there was a wee.or not-so-wee explosion and I realised I'd triggered the Phasers online and blown a hole in the side of the Dock."  
  
"That was you?" I was surprised.  
  
"Aye, that was me." By now we were at the Turbo Lift. Mine and Scotty's quarters were on the same level, Deck Five. Don't ask me why.  
  
"Howsabouts Chekov? He ever made any mistakes?"  
  
"Why'd you wanna know?"  
  
"Er." I flushed and shook my head, "n-no reason. Just curious."  
  
"Curious my foot," Scotty muttered, before continuing, "nope. I don't remember him making any mistakes."  
  
[A/N I've never actually watched the series, so I wouldn't know. This was set just after Let That be Your Last Battlefield, which I read about in some book]  
  
"Oh." Wow. I'd been here three months and had made an armful of mistakes. Chekov's been here longer than me and he hasn't made one. That's not fair.  
  
"Kirk's made a lot of mistakes StarFleet aren't too happy about. Don't worry, lass, It's human nature. We all make mistakes sometimes."  
  
The lift doors chuchukned open at Deck Four, to pick up.*Groan*.  
  
"Hello Ensign." Kirk stepped into the Turbo Lift.  
  
"Good Evening, Sir." I was about to ask why he was on the way to Deck Five, seeing as though his Quarters were on Deck One, but, hey. I wasn't in the mood. There was probably some girl up there.  
  
"Just got off your shift?" Kirk turned his back on me to talk to Scotty. Phew. "Aye Sair." That was a lie. He got off his shift three hours ago. Kirk knew this too. "I thought your usual shift ended at seven?"  
  
"Aye. But I had a wee bit of.Overtime to do, Sair."  
  
Overtime my ass. He was 'babysitting' me. I thought as the lift stopped at Deck Five. "Um.Goodnight, Captain. Goodnight Mr. Scott." I mumbled, stepping out and almost tripping over a wire that was lain across the floor. It wasn't even a thick wire. God I was accident-prone.  
  
"Goodnight Ensign. See you at Six tomorrow." Scotty called after me. Please. This was killing me. 6am till 10pm? How was I supposed to get up? 10pm-6am. That was.eight hours. The National Health guide says you need ten. No chance of that happening on a Star Ship. Specially The Enterprise. And The Enterprise was very popular nowadays. My quarters was still a mess. But I couldn't tidy it up. If I was late tomorrow on the account of 'sleeping in', I'd had it. Kirk would shove me out of an airlock, valued crewwoman or no.  
  
***  
  
In actual fact, I was six minutes early. And, as soon as I walked into Engineering, something clicked. Not only was Chekov there, with Kirk (er, hello? Doesn't he spend any time on the bridge?), Scotty wasn't.  
  
"Where's Mr. Scott?" I whispered to Chekov.  
  
"Er.Sickbay."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because he has.how to say.a headache on account of.Alcohol."  
  
"A Hangover."  
  
"Yes, that's the one."  
  
Kirk sighed and stopped his conversation with an un-named Red Shirt, and spied me. "Ah. Pallee. You're early. That's great. I need to ask you something." And when exactly had he ever hesitated about asking anyone anything before? I wondered.  
  
"Yes, sir?"  
  
"Well.we're a little short staffed on the Bridge today.er.so, I was thinking that.well, if you agree to be good.you could forget about cleaning the pipes today and come work at your usual station."  
  
If I agree to be good? Er, hello?  
  
"Yes, sir. That'd be.nice."  
  
Nicer than working in pipes.  
  
"Good. Well. Get going you two." He practically shooed both myself and Chekov out of Engineering.  
  
"Fascinating." I muttered.  
  
"Vhy? And vhy are you acting like Mr. Spock?"  
  
"Because. And fascinating, because.why?"  
  
Chekov now looked extremely confused.  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Why get me to work on the Bridge? There are countless Gold/Red/Blue Shirts who'd love to work on the Bridge. Why me?"  
  
"Because you're better them zem?"  
  
"Er, sure."  
  
Chekov stopped and sighed.  
  
"Here ve go again."  
  
"Whatcha mean?"  
  
"You. You and your 'I'm not as good as anyvone else' routine."  
  
I stopped too, turning around and staring at him.  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"You are." He pushed passed me and walked into the Turbo lift, putting his foot infront of the door to stop it from closing and asking, "are you komink or aren't you?"  
  
"Er.I am." I stepped in beside him, the door closed, and Chekov muttered "bridge."  
  
We went the first ten feet in silence, then:  
  
"If you aren't as good as anyvone else, vhy are you here?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Vell. Kom on. The Enterprise is like.vell, the best of the best. You can only serve on it if you are.up to Kirk's standards. Vhy vould he let you on the ship if he didn't think you were good enough?"  
  
"Because he didn't know what he was letting himself in for?" I took a guess.  
  
"No. He's a gweat judge of character. Twust me. If he didn't like you, you vouldn't be here. End of stowy."  
  
"Maybe he slipped up when it came to my Interview. Maybe he was tired and he didn't look at me or my file properly."  
  
Chekov shook his head and muttered, "you haven't got a clue."  
  
"You're right, I haven't. I haven't got a clue why you care." I folded my arms and leant back against the wall.  
  
"Computer, pause." The Lift froze. I glowered at him.  
  
"Whatcha do that for?"  
  
"Stop. Listen. I know how you feel. I hated being the newbie too. Didn't know my vay around or anythink, and besides which I was the only Russian onboard. That vas scary. I admit it. But, I only got friends by trying to be as bwight and as cheerful as possible. You? Your just.downcast, constantly. Vhy?"  
  
"Because you have absolutely no idea what my life has been like up until now. Do you have parents? Relatives?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I don't. Both my parents were orphans, and they died in a car crash. Hence, I lived in an Orphanage. Hence, I had to try my best at school, because I didn't think StarFleet would want an orphan working on one of it's ships." I explained some more after that.  
  
"So, vhy did you vant to join StarFleet in the first place?"  
  
"To get as far away from Earth as I could. I hate it there and I still do." I looked at the floor, "I just wanted to be shut off and isolated so I didn't have to go through the same hell I did at school.  
  
And then, two days in, I stab McCoy. Three weeks in, a fall asleep at the Transporter Station, and as a result, you, Kirk and Spock almost get killed. Then, I almost electrocute you and McCoy and myself in that Jeffries tube that time you asked me to help you fix that wiring. C'mon. Kirk's probably kicking himself for ever letting me in for the Interview, yet alone service on his ship."  
  
There was a pause.  
  
Then a sigh.  
  
"Pallee. You're a wight basket case." And with that, Chekov ordered, "Computer, continue," and the lift continued it's journey.  
  
"Basket case?"  
  
"Yes. A Basket Case. You know vhy?"  
  
"No." "Because you are determined not to let anyvone be friends with you. Zat's vhy." I blew some hair from my eyes.  
  
"No-one's really tried to be friends with me. Yet alone talk to me. I mean, you're the first one whose talked to me without a reason since.since.well, college. The teachers. And not even they picked on me in Class very often."  
  
".oh, for the love of." Chekov stopped himself, then glared at me, "you're as blind as my Gwandmother." And with that, the lift doors opened and he stalked out onto the bridge without another word to me. 


	4. Tennis, relaxing?

Chapter Three: Talking, not talking, it's all speech.  
  
And he stopped talking to me. Why? I didn't know.  
  
Kirk seemed to have forgotten completely about the Engineering thing, so I worked on the Bridge until Wednesday, my day off. Every crewmember, by right, has one day off. Wednesday's mine. Kinda nice. A break mid-week.  
  
I looked up 21st century books on the Library's computer, and downloaded a few to read. The Princess Diaries, Narnia, Roald Dahl and Bridget Jones's Diary.  
  
Kids books, but, then, I just wanted to feel like a kid again. A quiet, ignorant kid. Though not a teenager. Teenagers have crushes. I have a crush, and I just wanted to forget all about him. Which was quite difficult, seeing as though I work on the Bridge with him, and because I keep bumping into him in the corridors.  
  
When I went to have lunch in the Mess, I ordered a ham and cheese toastie, my favourite from when I was a kid, and sat down on my usual table, by myself, at the back of the Mess, by the window. I had Bridget Jones's Diary with me.  
  
"Anyvone sitting here?" I'd been so absorbed in the book that I hadn't noticed Chekov walk up to me.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"I think no, but you still haven't told me an answer, so I really couldn't say."  
  
"No, Mr. Chekov, there is no-one sitting there." I answered curtly, going back to my book. Well, Padd. Padd with book on it. Something like that.  
  
"Vhat you reading?"  
  
"Some old 21st century book. Bridget Jones's Diary. Why?"  
  
He mocked looking offended, "I vas only askink."  
  
This was impossible. How was I supposed to keep him off my mind if he was going to sit with me and ask me what I was reading? This sucked. Well, maybe it didn't. At least he was talking to me again.  
  
"When's your day off then?"  
  
"Today. I just chose to vork."  
  
"You're nuts."  
  
"Not as nuts as some people." He looked at me meaningfully.  
  
I bowed my head and pretended to read Thursday April 06 of the diary, but it didn't work. For some reason I felt ashamed of myself. And I didn't know why.  
  
"Why have you got something against me?" I muttered, spooning my hot chocolate around it's mug with the spoon.  
  
"I have nothing against you. It's you who has something against the vorld. Vhy?" "Because.because.it sucks. My life sucks. I suck."  
  
"Do I?"  
  
"Hell no." Oops. Hope he didn't catch the drift of that. My crush is practically transparent.  
  
"Vhy not? If you suck, and you're better than me, which I know for a fact, then vhy do I not suck and you do?"  
  
"You haven't got the angle I have."  
  
"Vich is?"  
  
"That to be successful, you have to have two qualities. 1) You have to be popular, have friends, and 2) you have to be good at what you do. I'm only half of 2)." I felt my voice crack slightly, so I shut my mouth and looked down again instead.  
  
"You do not," Chekov kicked me under the table, "or wather, you are not, unpopular."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I know a bunch of people who vant to get to know you.but wont, because they think you'll be too unfriendly. Twy to be nicer to people, and they'll be nicer back."  
  
"You sound like my social worker."  
  
"You have a social worker.?"  
  
"I had one, yes. And she said all this sort of stuff to me, and I tried my hardest, and it didn't work. Okay? I'm not that sort of person. Why can't you just accept that maybe.maybe I don't want friends. Maybe I just want to be a loner. It's all I'm used to." I hiccupped. A sure sign that I'd been crying whilst talking.  
  
".vell, if you vant me to leave you alone." He got to his feet.  
  
"Not really." I stared down hard at my bowl, "but, if you must."  
  
"That's not vat I asked you. You know that." He sat back down again, "vhy do you never give a straightforward answer to anyone?"  
  
"I do. To Kirk, anyway."  
  
Chekov sighed and shook his head at me.  
  
"You really haven't got a clue." He said again.  
  
"Oh, so, as an individual, I'm not allowed to be the way I am?" I didn't mean to snap at him, but he was kind of irritating me. Just a bit.  
  
"That's not what I said. I've noticed then when you work alone, you look sad. Whenever we're having a muck around on the Bridge, you don't join in."  
  
"I didn't think anyone wanted me joining in."  
  
"Vhat? Vhy?"  
  
"Because no-one ever asked me to."  
  
"No-one asks me to but I join in anyvay." He shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, but, A) people know you, and B) you have the confidence to do that. I don't. I feel that if I were to join in then everyone would glower at me and tell me to shut up."  
  
"They vouldn't. Twust me. They vouldn't."  
  
"I unno, Pav-I mean, Chekov."  
  
"S'okay. You can call me Pav if you want to. I mean, I call you Pallee."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Vhat've you got planned for the rest of the day?"  
  
"Uh. Reading, I guess." That sounded lame, "why?"  
  
"Vell.it's the Bridge crew's day off, right, so ve vere going to go to the Recreation Deck and play tennis. You can come read in there if you like."  
  
"Um.Okay." I accepted, "that'd be.cool - er, sorry. I've been reading too much Princess Diaries."  
  
"Princess Diaries?"  
  
"Yeah. This girl suddenly finds out she's a princess, only she's not too chuffed about it," I sighed, "neither would I."  
  
"Vhy not? I thought that was every girls dream-"  
  
"Now you're stereotyping."  
  
"But vhy vouldn't you like it?"  
  
"Because of the publicity. Y'know. Anything you do is picked apart piece by piece until the media manage to cook up some barefaced lie that leaves you blushing and denying for the rest of the month."  
  
"Guess I never thought of it like that."  
  
"Mm. Anyway. What time are you meeting up on the Recreation Deck?"  
  
"Around two."  
  
I glanced at the digital clock on the wall. 1:30.  
  
"Half an hour, then."  
  
"Sheese! Have I been here that long?"  
  
"I unno."  
  
"Right. Vell. I'll see you there at two, k?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
***  
  
The Rec Deck is big. No, really big.  
  
And in this really big space, a tennis court had been erected. I never even knew we had tennis equipment. Sucks to be me.  
  
I was nervous about going in by myself, so I waited outside for Pav. I didn't have to wait long. He was early.  
  
Even so, I still got some weird stares from Uhura and Sulu, who went in a little before Pav arrived, but hey. I can handle weird stares. I think.  
  
Then Pav arrived. With the Captain. Oh Joy of Joys! Not.  
  
"Hey Pallee. There are some benches at the side line." Pav pointed to where there were some comfy-looking benches lining one side of the hall.  
  
I'd brought with me Take Two of the Princess Diaries, so I hoped to get some good dreading down. Hah.  
  
It was so noisy in the hall once the game commenced, I found myself watching it rather than reading.  
  
It being my day off, I could wear civilian clothes. I had on a pair of denim shorts and a white crop-top, with bright white trainers (I'd given them a good scrub).  
  
"Hey," Pav sat beside me at 'Half Time', and took a sip out of the drinks bottle he'd left there, "vell?"  
  
"Vell vhat?" I mimicked. He gave me a playful shove.  
  
"How's the book?"  
  
"Oh. Er.I wouldn't know. I've been watching the game."  
  
"Figures." Pav leant back against the wall and put the racket on the floor, sighing. I took out my brush and gave my hair a good going over to give me something to do. Pav watched me.  
  
"Vhy do girrrls alvays do this?" He asked, stretching the rrrs out, "vhy not do somethink constructive?"  
  
"Like?"  
  
".Play tennis?"  
  
I got the distinct feeling he was giving me a subliminal message. "I am not playing tennis. " "Vhy not? You sound like Spock."  
  
"Because.because.I suck at tennis."  
  
He sat up and poked me.  
  
"According to you, your useless at everythink. You should give it a try. You and Uhura vs. me and Sulu/Kirk."  
  
"Uhura has better things to do than play tennis with me of all people, Pav."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"How do you?" I countered. I felt anxiety rising in my chest. He was not going to convince me. No way, José. 


	5. Atredias Five

Chapter Four: Crazy? Me? Ehe.no.  
  
Three days later Uhura was still boasting about hers (and my) defeat over Pav and Kirk. This was way embarrassing. Oops. Too much Princess Diaries reading.  
  
"I told you that you weren't so rubbish at Tennis." Pav told me over lunch one day. Guess what. It wasn't just me and Pav, it was Pav, Sulu, Uhura, Kirk, Spock and me. And they'd all said something to me today. What was going on?  
  
"It was Uhura, not me." I replied.  
  
"Rubbish." Uhura muttered.  
  
"Not rubbish, fact." I shot back. I couldn't believe this. I also couldn't work it out. Were they making fun of me or just being them?  
  
"C'mon Pallee. You did well," Kirk grinned, "for a first attempt." Kirk was grinning at me. The only other time he'd grinned at me was when I'd been in trouble. And they hadn't been very nice grins.  
  
"Second attempt."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"I played tennis at school. I got knocked out by the ball." I explained. Kirk looked like he wanted to laugh, but didn't know whether to or not. Then Pav snorted, and, when I didn't say anything, I got a few sniggers pointed at me. Which I didn't mind. Considering they were nice sniggers, not horrible ones. Or.is there such thing as a 'nice' snigger?  
  
"So," Pav said after the little teeters had dried up, ".where are we headed again?" "Some planet."  
  
"Actually, I believe it is called Atredias Five," Spock spoke for the first time, "and we are going there to observe plant life."  
  
"Fascinating." I muttered. I hadn't meant it to be funny, but everyone else laughed all over again. Why is suddenly anything I said funny?  
  
Spock arched a brow, and we all shut up.  
  
***  
  
Atredias Five seemed to be full of Tropical Rainforest terrain. I know this because, for the first time ever, I was selected to be on an away mission. Er, excuse me?  
  
When did I suddenly become away-mission-worthy? When?  
  
Along with me, and, obviously, Kirk, there were:  
  
Sulu, Pav, Uhura, McCoy (duh), and Spock (duh). I mean.who'd he leave behind in care of the ship? Was the Enterprise still going to be there when we got back?  
  
"Interesting." Was my view on the forest. I mean, call me old fashioned, but a rainforest was not exactly about to make me wanna dance around singing "Woopie! I love rainforests!" in a stupid voice.  
  
Uhura, on the other hand, seemed to dislike the forest for another reason; the branches and her stockings. Youch.  
  
Pav kept quite close to me (although I had no idea why), and kept his hand on his gun. Why was he so nervous?  
  
Then I heard a howl and squeaked. Well. Screamed. A Squeaky-Screamy sort of.squeak.  
  
Whatever.  
  
But it startled all hell out of everyone else.  
  
"Pallee! Don't startle us like that!" Kirk snapped. I blinked.  
  
"Didn't you hear that?"  
  
"The sound of your squeaking?" Sulu asked.  
  
"No.that howl."  
  
"Howl?" Pav looked around, "I didn't hear a howl."  
  
Kirk just shook his head and carried on through the dense jungle. I was convinced I was hearing things by now, since I heard another one, and no- one else so much as flinched. Except me.  
  
"Didn't you hear that?"  
  
"Hear vhat?" Pav asked wearily. I blinked at him.  
  
"That howl."  
  
McCoy aimed his tricorder at me and scanned my head, "she's not delusional." He reported helpfully.  
  
"I know I'm not delusional!" I yelled.  
  
"Pallee." Pav reprimanded, before trudging on after the others, "stop playing for attention."  
  
"I'm not." I muttered, but no-one was listening, so I carried on behind Pav, feeling peeved.  
  
And then we lost Pavel.  
  
Typical.  
  
One minute, he was there infront of me, then when I looked behind me, because I heard the crack of a twig, then looked back again, he was gone.  
  
"Captain.?" Kirk stopped and glowered at me:  
  
"What is it, Ensign?"  
  
"Is Pa.Chekov up there with you?"  
  
"No.I thought he was back there with you."  
  
"He was.and then.he wasn't." Ooh, that was so scientifically accurate. Not. Kirk stared at me for a minute, and then we heard a scream.  
  
Not from me this time.  
  
And then Pav came hurtling out of a hidden jungle path.and ran straight into me. After I'd managed to get to my feet, I tried to catch my breath. Which wasn't easy, considering I'd just been knocked flat on my face.  
  
"Sowy.Pallee." Pav gasped, sitting up, his back against a tree, "are you okay.?"  
  
I took a good look at his face. He was terrified.  
  
"Forget me. What's up with you?" I asked, gently as I could.  
  
"Corpse." Pav pointed, "in the clearing through there.I found a body." He was almost breathless by now, seeing as though he'd just ran pell-mell into me, toppled over, sat up again and explained what's just happened. Poor guy.  
  
"Ok.ok.calm down," I tried to.well, calm him down, "was it human?"  
  
"V.V.Vulcan.I think.I dunno, do you weally think I stuck awound to find out.?" And he swore at me in Russian.  
  
"I'm not a bitchy tart!" I snapped in indignation. Pav looked surprised. "You know Russian?"  
  
"Da." I confirmed, blinking at him harshly. Well, if it was possible to blink harshly. "Where was this body of yours, then?" Kirk interrupted.  
  
Pav pointed, without taking his eyes from my face, "thattaway."  
  
"Thank you. You and Pallee stay here." Kirk walked away with the others.  
  
Poor Chekov leant back against the tree further, breathing harder. I pitied him.  
  
".Um." I muttered, sitting beside him and patting his shoulder, "I take it you don't like Corpses."  
  
"I'm not. particularly fond. of zem, no."  
  
".Why?"  
  
"A few months back.before you came onboard.we went to a planet known as.vhat vas it again.can't remember. Anyvay, vhen ve vent there, all of the occupants vere dead.and I vas the vone to notice." He tailed off, looking a little forlorn, "zen, vhen ve came back to the ship, all of the crew started aging rapidly - except me. You know vhy?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Because I had been filled with adrenalin vhen I saw zis corpse."  
  
I was nodding sub-consciously now. Did he realise how cute he looked when he looked sad?  
  
"So.vere you ewer scared by something.?" He grinned at me shyly. Wow his teeth were white!  
  
"Um.dead spiders and dust." I shuddered, "once I accidentally locked myself in my attic.and.and." I couldn't finish. Pav's grin faded slightly around the edge.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"I'm fine.it was along time ago."  
  
"Um.Pallee?" I jerked.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You vere staring at me. I vas just vondering if you vere okay." He was still smiling.but in a different way. I didn't know how to describe it.  
  
"Oh." I blushed and looked at the leaves infront of us, ".no-no, I'm okay.I was just.er." This was it. I was going to tell him. Right now, "Pavel.I."  
  
"Well," Kirk interrupted, "that was definatly a Vulcan. Ick."  
  
Er.Ick? Where did that come from?  
  
"Oh, good." Pav stood up and pulled a sarky face, "I vas so sure it vas a corpse."  
  
"Oh, shut up!" Kirk snapped, "stupid Russian."  
  
Then there was a scream.  
  
Oh, no, not again! I thought.  
  
Uhura came running out of the forest, screaming.  
  
"I.I saw him again!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Kahn! NOOOOOO! He tried to.to.gaaah!" She shrieked. Pav gave her an awkward hug, and I recoiled.  
  
How could he?  
  
Pavel noticed my taken-aback expression and cocked his head on one side, "vhat's wrong, Pallee?"  
  
"She fancies you and she's jealous," Sulu walked out of the forest calmly.  
  
I died. Well, not literally. I mean, how could he say that? It was true, but how dare he?  
  
"I do NOT." I snapped back, although no-one was listening.  
  
"What about Kahn?" Uhura cried, as I just about fainted from shock.  
  
"'Fancy' me?" Pavel repeated, (see? I told you no-one was listening), obviously having no idea what that meant, whilst I hastily made a dash for the bushes. And ran straight into a wolf. I screamed and ran from it, the other way. And then I tripped over.  
  
It was all chaos. And who was this Kahn person Uhura kept babbling about?  
  
"OMIGOD!" I heard Kirk yell from behind me. I turned around. The wolf was gone, but, in it's place, there stood.well, a man with two girls hanging off his arms. He was grinning and looking at Kirk.chummy-like. Only Kirk was looking.Pukey-like. Seriously.  
  
Pavel and Uhura were wrestling with each other; Pav was trying to explain that Kahn was safe and ranting on some planet called Ceti-Alpha Five. Wherever that was, while Uhura was shrieking and yelling the whole forest down. Sure, I thought, Now Kahn definatly wont find us. Not.  
  
"Kirk!" This newcomer beamed and wandered over to him, "omigosh! This is so great! Meet Kala and Detri, by the way." He pushed forward the two girls who both smiled and fluttered their eyelashes. They had on/off switches on the back of their necks. Not a good sign.  
  
"What's going on here?" I muttered. Sulu, the only one bar me who was not have an eppy, shrugged, "I dunno."  
  
"I SAID, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" I screamed again even more loudly. Everything stopped. Kirk and this.guy with dolls stopped.well, I suppose you could call it talking, Pavel and Uhura stopped fighting, and McCoy and Spock.were missing.  
  
"Whatcha mean, what's going on here?" Kirk snapped back, "you were the one having a panic attack over a leaf! Calling it a wolf."  
  
Something clicked. But I had no idea what.  
  
"Eh? It was a wolf." I looked at the newcomer, "who the hell are you? And who is Kahn? And where are Spock and McCoy? And.what is that thing on your head, Uhura?"  
  
We all looked. It was a ball of fluff. And The Ball of Fluff was vibrating.  
  
"Tribble!" Kirk yelled, "how did that get here? And how did you get here? And why is Uhura feakin' out when Kahn clearly can't be here! This makes zero sense!" Why was he starting to talk like a Cheerleader named Stacy from my old school?  
  
"My name," said the newcomer, blissfully unaware of this 'Tribble' thing, "is Harry Mudd." "Good for you." I spat back, while pulling this fluff ball off of Uhura's head before she just about died from shock, "and my names Pallee. Not that it matters."  
  
"Vere the hell did zat Tribble come from?" Pavel shouted above the confusion, "and how did Mudd and Kahn get here?"  
  
"I unno. I never even heard of 'em before today." I replied. He ignored me.  
  
"I think we'd better get out of here," Kirk sighed wearily, "Kirk to Scotty. Beam us up." "Wa-" Too late. Suddenly, I was paralysed by the transporter beam that enclosed all around me, momentarily shutting off my senses.  
  
".it." I finished, stumbling off the pad. I looked back around. Spock and McCoy weren't there. And it was unlike Kirk not to notice.  
  
"What is it, Ensign?"  
  
"Where's Mr. Spock? And Dr. McCoy?"  
  
"They beamed back ages ago, lass," Scotty informed me, "they got lost an' thought it was 'logical' to beam back up."  
  
Phew, I thought, that would've been a disaster. Imagine chasing around this hell-hole of a planet for the next X amount of days looking for them. 


	6. Valentines Day Kerplowie

Chapter Five: Enter the gun toting Maniac.Pavel!  
  
I thought I'd be relieved to get back on the ship. No such luck.  
  
"We're having a party!" Uhura announced, walking onto the bridge, "a Valentines Day party! It'll be sooo fun!"  
  
Groan, I thought, Great. The worst day of the Year tied up in Ribbons and called fun. Uh-huh. WooHoo. Remind me never to get up again on a Valentines Day.  
  
"Wow! That sounds great!" An Unnamed Red Shirt from beside me looked up. Lucky girl. She was a blonde.  
  
"Uh-huh. We're gonna clean out the Mess and have it in there! At around.seven?" Great. Seven. Just when my Tea-Time was on a Friday. This just gets better and better.  
  
"What about the people who have their tea at seven?" Kirk asked.  
  
"There'll be food at the party, so it doesn't really matter! I expect everyone to be there!" Uhura sat down at her station.  
  
Sorry, Uhura, I glanced at her, I'm not gonna be there.  
  
Which was more fun? Going to a Valentines Day disco, or repeatedly bashing my head against a wall for the entire evening? Hmm.  
  
"Captain," Mr. Spock suddenly said, "will my attendance be necessary?"  
  
"Yes, absolutely. I also expect everyone to be there. That's an order."  
  
Well, my record couldn't get any worse so.no. I wasn't going.  
  
***  
  
It was all the staff could talk about over the next few days. Uhura and a few girls from C-Deck were doing the cooking, the Captain was re-writing the work shift schedule, an artistic Ensign from B-Deck was doing the decorations.and everyone else helped by talking about how great it was going to be. Uh, yeah. Great. Mm-hmm.  
  
Let me tell you something. Valentines Day is great if you're married. Or have a boyfriend. Or are a tease, or are generally good-looking and boy- friendly. Let me tell you something else. It is not fun if you are me. End of story.  
  
Ever since that planet leave (that weird planet leave), Pav wasn't speaking to me. So, I couldn't ask him if he was going. And I certainly couldn't ask him if he had a date. Even if he was talking to me, that would just be way too embarrassing.  
  
And it was also going to be too embarrassing to go.  
  
So.screw everyone, I told myself, I'm not going.  
  
And when Thursday (the night before the dancey party thingy) came, I swore to myself I'd never ever go. Not even if I got Court-Marshalled.  
  
Let me explain.  
  
I was sitting in the Mess, eating a banana or something, when Pav sat down at my table without even asking, and started to eat his dinner without looking at me.  
  
"Excuse me." I said hotly, "who gave you permission to sit there?"  
  
"Who gave you permission to sit there?" Pav snapped back. He was in a right mood.  
  
"Well, the table was empty when I sat down, so I had no-one to ask permission. Duh."  
  
Pavel glowered at me.  
  
"And.was this chair occupied?" I felt like that was a sneer.  
  
".No."  
  
"Wight. So, no problem." And with that, he recommenced eating.  
  
"Are you going to the dance?" I asked, picking at the banana skin I'd put down on my gravy soaked plate (don't ask).  
  
"Yes." End of story, "with Uhura." Double end of story. Period. Enterprise's all-time famous sex-object was no-one to battle with. Specially if you're me.  
  
"Oh." I muttered, looking back down at my food-stained plate, "well.I'm late for my shift. Bye!"  
  
Even though my shift had just ended. Dumping my tray on the rack, running out of the door.and straight into McCoy. This was stupid. How come he's always where I am?  
  
"Sorry, Doctor, I.I.wasn't watching where I was.go-going."  
  
"Are you alright? You're bright red."  
  
Yeah, I thought, I'm not surprised.  
  
"No, no, I'm er.er.fine.finer than fine.I feel great.but I'm tired, so if you'll excuse me."  
  
"Fine. See you at the Dance."  
  
"Maybe." And I left him hanging.  
  
Like a said right back at the beginning, I'm no blubberer. But, then, I felt ready to sit there in the middle of the corridor and cry. And then possibly kill myself. Maybe.  
  
This sucked.  
  
***  
  
True to my word, I didn't go. After your shift ended, the time-table was arranged so that you had half an hour to go to your quarters and get changed. Then the party went from 7pm-1am.  
  
Woo.  
  
Except, when I went to my quarters, I got changed into my pajamas, picked up The Guy Next Door (Meggin Cabot) and lay on my bed to read it. I'd sworn not to go to the Dance, and, by my mothers grave (well, she was dead) I stuck to it.  
  
Suddenly, the comm bleeped.  
  
"Ensign Chenna?" It was Kirk. Oh, great. Maybe Dr. McCoy had told him of my Maybe. Maybe.  
  
"Yessir?"  
  
".Are you coming to the dance?" I glanced at the clock. 7:45pm.  
  
"No. I feel ill."  
  
"Lame excuse. I'd've thought up something a little more imaginable. And probable. You were fine when you left the Bridge."  
  
"Yes.but.I suddenly felt giddy on the way to my Quarters so."  
  
"I'm sure Dr. McCoy would love to check you out."  
  
"No! Eh.No, sir. I think I'm just tired. That's all."  
  
A brief pause. He'd bought it. Hopefully.  
  
"Ensign Chenna." He suddenly sounded gentle and friendly. Ooookkkkkaaayyyy.  
  
"Yessir?"  
  
"If you're not coming because you didn't have anyone to go with," suddenly I heard the sound of Pav's voice in the background, "it's alright. There are a lot of people here who-"  
  
"It's not that, sir."  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
"I feel sick. I told you I wasn't very well."  
  
"And I told you, and everyone, two days ago, that it was an order."  
  
"Would you push Mr. Spock off a cliff if I ordered you to?" Oops. That was a bit too sarky. Another pause. I knew he was getting ready for a scream. I just knew it. Instead, a different voice came over the comm.  
  
"Pallee." It was McCoy, "Are you sure you're alright? It'd be no trouble for me to run a scan."  
  
"I'm fine!" I practically hissed, "go away."  
  
"Alright."  
  
And with that, silence ensued. And I didn't like it.  
  
Going over to the monitor on my desk, I sat down and logged on to my personal account.  
  
User Name: PalleeCh00  
  
Password: Pav  
  
Id. Number: AUTOLOGGED  
  
And then went to www.musicworld.com, and tried to find my favourite song, to play over my speakers.  
  
"Hmm." I muttered aloud.  
  
Brooks, Meredith:  
  
Bitch  
  
Yup, that was the one. Double clicking on it, I turned the volume to midway on my speakers and listened for a minute or two.  
  
"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint." I sang along, picking at my nails.  
  
They started bleeding. Due to the fact I'd pulled one clean off. Great.  
  
"Where's the nearest medi-box?" I stuck my head out of the door. The ship was silently deserted. Well. Yeah. Everyone else was off having fun.  
  
Ever since some stupid Ensign named Smitherson or something had cut his finger on a paper towel, there had been Medi-Boxes put around the ship, one every fifty metres. The same Smitherson had then banged his head on one and sued. He lost.  
  
Coming to the nearest one, near an Engineering Hatch, I opened it and started to rifle through the plasters until I found a small enough one.  
  
Just as I was peeling off the backing, I heard a clang sound. It was very faint, and, for about a minute afterwards, I wondered if I'd actually heard it. No, there it was again.  
  
Clang.  
  
It was coming from the Engineering Hatch beside me.  
  
Opening it, I was shocked to find.Pavel, bound and gagged, looking tired and hungry. I'd only seen him yesterday, and he hadn't looked that awful.  
  
I pulled out the gag.  
  
"Oh, God, Pallee," He gasped, "please untie me?"  
  
Um.  
  
"I don't see why I should. What happened, Uhura didn't like you after all?" "Vhat are you talkink about?" I frowned.  
  
"Uhura? You were going to the dance with her?"  
  
He blinked, "Pall.vhat dance? Vhat the hell are you talkink about?"  
  
"How long've you been in there? An hour?"  
  
"I.I don't know. A couple of days?"  
  
"Impossible. I.sort of had lunch with you yesterday-"  
  
"Pall, I vas in here yesterday. The last I remember, you and Uhura had beaten me and Kirk at tennis."  
  
"That was.then who was.oh.no." That thing that had clicked when we were on planet leave clicked back into place. I knew why now.  
  
Standing up, I pressed in Intercom Button.  
  
"Kirk here."  
  
"Hey sir. It's Pallee-"  
  
"Changed your mind?"  
  
"No. But I need you to tell me something."  
  
"Fire away."  
  
"Is Pavel there? At the dance?"  
  
A pause.  
  
"Yyyyes. He' dancing with Uhura. Why-"  
  
"Listen, Captain," I said hurriedly, "you haven't noticed anything peculiar about Pav-Chekov over the last few nights?"  
  
"Yes.he does seem quite out of character at the moment. Why-"  
  
Again I had to cut him short.  
  
"Sir. That's not Pavel."  
  
"What're you talking about-"  
  
"Pavel's here with me. He's..tied up at the mo, but listen. The 'Pavel' that's there at the party, is a shape shifter. One of the Shape-Shifters that were on that planet with us the day Mudd and Kahn turned up."  
  
Watching Pavel, I saw his eyes widen at the sound 'Kahn'. Like me, he'd only heard of him, but he looked a little.scared?  
  
".so, here's the plan. Somehow, we have to get him to revert into another shape. And you know what that means."  
  
"Ship wide pandemonium?"  
  
"Yes. Get to it." I ordered. Fancy, me ordering the Captain. What a blast. Squatting down, I untied Chekov's feet and hands, then pulled him up, wincing at the crack of a knee cap. His knee Cap.  
  
"Ouch. You okay?" I asked.  
  
"Er.yes." He looked flustered.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing.you said.something about Uhura? And a party?" I rolled my eyes.  
  
"It's Valentines Day. Uhura arranged a dance. Everyone went-" I noticed him eyeing my pajamas and the plaster on my thumb.  
  
".except you." He finished for me.  
  
"Uh.yeah."  
  
"Vhy didn't you go?" I blushed.  
  
"Because.because.I didn't want to.oh, this isn't the time to be talking about that! C'mon already! We gotta go kill you.he. the it thing. We have to go save Kirk." "From me?"  
  
"No, from himself."  
  
***  
  
We arrived less than ten minutes later. The Mess had been set up as a dance floor, and looked brilliant. But we didn't have long to dwell on it. Because Pavel (uh.another Pavel, The Wrong Pavel) was holding up everyone with a gun. How did he manage that?  
  
He scowled at me when the door opened and me and the Right Pavel hurried in, both of us with guns.  
  
"You little.bitch." He spat. Ah. The Wrong Pavel was now speaking with an American accent.  
  
"So shoot me," I invited, aiming the gun at him, "and I'll shoot you. Automatic response." The Wrong Pavel looked down at the gun, then back up at my face, smirking.  
  
"Oh. I don't have to shoot you. I can shoot.say.him." And he pointed the gun at a Red Shirt.  
  
"Or her." He pointed it at Uhura, who tensed up, like she really expected him to fire.  
  
"Y'see, I can shoot anyone, and you can't do a thing, because you'll be guilt ridden to the fact that you didn't throw down your gun like when I asked you to."  
  
"You haven't asked me to."  
  
"Then I'll ask now," TWP pointed his pistol at Kirk, "or else."  
  
What choice did I have? Well.I maybe had a choice, but everyone was glowering at me as if to say, 'just put down the friggin' gun already. No- one needs heroics from you, Chenna'. So I put it down, TRP following my lead, sighing.  
  
"Ok. Now walk over there." TWP pointed to the edge of the crowd. We walked. We stood. "Now to erase my mistake." And he pointed his gun at My Pavel, and fired.  
  
Unconscious of what I was doing, for as soon as I saw the start of the Laser Beam emit from the tip of the gun, I kinda panicked, I threw myself in the way of it. And, incidentally, My Pavel.  
  
And then.nothingness. 


	7. And for my next trick

Chapter Six: Epilogue, whatever the hell that is.  
  
And then.bright light. I squeaked. It was too bright.  
  
"Pallee?"  
  
"Pavel, leave her be."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Pallee?" A different voice called my name this time. I thought I knew it.  
  
"Er." I replied, opening my eyes fully this time. I was in Sickbay, on a Bio-Bed.  
  
Dr. McCoy was leaning over me, still in his casual clothes, blinking.  
  
"What the hell.OUCH!" I felt a stabbing pain run all the way up my abdomen to my chest. And it didn't stop. It continued up to my head, then exploded.  
  
And then blackness. Again.  
  
This was getting old, and fast.  
  
The next time I opened my eyes, the light wasn't quite so bright. In fact, it was so dim that for a minute I thought I hadn't opened them.  
  
Then:  
  
"Pallee?" McCoy. Again.  
  
"Where.what.what time is it?"  
  
"It's 7pm. Saturday 15. February."  
  
"I've been out for an entire day.?"  
  
"Well, we almost lost you. Good thing we didn't." I snorted.  
  
"You sure sound sentimental."  
  
"It's my job to." He allowed me to sit up. Sickbay was deserted. Apart from me, of course. I looked back to where I was supposed to be. McCoy was eyeing me strangely.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You didn't strike me as the sort of person who would jump in front of a bullet." He observed, folding his arms.  
  
"A didn't. I leapt in front of a Laser Beam. Big difference."  
  
"A Laser Beam on KILL, not STUN. You could have been killed-"  
  
"-and we'd all be better off. Yes, I know." McCoy looked at me as if I was crazy. "Better off?" He repeated, "why'd you think that?"  
  
"Because." I replied, stretching, "everyone just would."  
  
Shaking his head, McCoy went over to the Intercom and bleeped the Bridge.  
  
"Sulu here."  
  
"Sulu, it's McCoy. Where's the Captain?"  
  
"On his way down to you, Doctor."  
  
"Oh, so now he's great and telepathic." I muttered. Not quietly enough. McCoy put his hands on his hips.  
  
"What have you got against him, anyway?"  
  
"Apart from the fact that he's popular and cool and a Captain and nice and funny and cheerful and cute.although not as cute as some people.nothing."  
  
"You resent that?"  
  
"Wouldn't anyone?"  
  
McCoy sat at the end of the bed, "no. I don't think so. I think I could name a fair few people who wouldn't."  
  
"Are you one of them?"  
  
"In a manor of speaking, yes."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Pallee!" An excited Russian sounding voice and a Tornado. And then a hug. And that's how Pavel treats someone with a hole in their side?  
  
"Hi." I managed to mumble into his shoulder. He let go, then beamed at me, genuinely pleased. Er.why?  
  
"Ensign Chenna.Hello." Kirk stood, looking uncomfortable, infront of me.  
  
"Hello, Captain." I said cheerfully, receiving yet another cuddle. From Pav, I mean.  
  
"Yes. Um." Kirk looked a little embarrassed, ".nice work yesterday.you were.were."  
  
"Bwave!" Pavel declared enthusiastically, "weally, weally bwave." He repeated, toning it down a bit.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
".Er.yes. As I was saying.ehem." Kirk re-attracted my attention, ".so.I'm going to delete all incidences from your record and give you a clean start. You don't need those sorts of dents.and.er.well.I'm.glad you're okay." And with that he hurried out, a brighter shade of red than a Red Shirt's uniform.  
  
McCoy smiled at me too, and bustled off into his office.  
  
Pavel suddenly looked extremely shy and nervous.  
  
"Um.Pallee." He said.  
  
"That's my name, yes."  
  
".Er.Yeah. Anyvay.I vas vondering somethink."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Vell.because that party got a little spoiled, they're - I mean Uhura is - holding another one next Friday.so.I vas kind of wonderink.if."  
  
"Yes.?"  
  
"You vould go vith me." And then, "I mean, I couldn't perfectly understand it if you didn't vant to, but I vas just thinking that if you had the evening free.Keptin Kirk's re-writing the schedules.so." He tailed off.  
  
"Pavel."  
  
".Yes.?" He looked a little down hearted.  
  
"Whatever made you think I wouldn't want to go with you?"  
  
"Um."  
  
"I mean, I know it was your evil opposite or whatever that was there on the planet when Sulu pointed it out.but." I shrugged, "what the hell."  
  
"Sulu pointed out vhat exactly?"  
  
"Does the word 'love' come to mind?"  
  
"Not weally."  
  
"Then let's play a game. Make a sentence out of the following words: Pavel, Pallee loves."  
  
And we took it from there.  
  
THE END  
  
PS. What did happen to The Wrong Pavel? I dunno. I never asked.  
  
[A/N] I never actually did watch TOS. Only The Motion Picture, Wrath of Kahn, Search for Spock, and a little bit of Voyage Home. [A/N] You find out about the Shape Shifter in No. Two.but only if I get reviews!!! 


End file.
